Monday Devotional: July 3, 2023

Bible Reading: Romans 7:15-25a (NRSVUE)

¹⁵ I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. ¹⁶ Now if I do what I do not want, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ But in fact it is no longer I who do it but sin that dwells within me. ¹⁸ For I know that the good does not dwell within me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do the good lies close at hand, but not the ability. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it but sin that dwells within me. ²¹ So I find it to be a law that, when I want to do what is good, evil lies close at hand. ²² For I delight in the law of God in my inmost self, ²³ but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind, making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. ²⁴ Wretched person that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

There’s freedom in saying, “I don’t know”. We can almost see Paul fall to his knees and throw up his hands in today’s reading. We can almost hear the desperation in his voice: I don’t know, God. I don’t understand. I. Don’t. Know.

How often do you feel the pressure to get things right? Certainty reigns supreme in our world of black-and-white thinking. Religious legalism pushes us to strive for an elusive perfection that only brings us shame — but the covenantal promise of our Creator frees us from pressure.

In this passage, Paul is frustrated with himself. He keeps repeating the same scripts and falling into the same traps, and he’s exhausted. He doesn’t know why he falls into unhealthy habits, but he does. He doesn’t want to keep repeating these cycles and doesn’t understand why they keep happening. Throughout this passage, Paul shows he’s aware of his very real shortcomings and is wrestling with himself — or as he says, “waging war against the law of my mind.”

Paul knows that God is his deliverer through Jesus Christ and yet that covenantal promise of a redeeming love does not take away the realities of being human. The good news for Paul and for us is that in every failing and frustration, we are invited to share our every anxiety and worry with a God who hears, sees, and knows. As 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.”

Just as we cannot be perfect, we don’t have the perfect words to pray. God’s promises do not rely on our own perfect confessions. Our prayers can be honest and raw. God wants the in-process us. The real us. We can release the shame and the guilt and turn to the One who knows us intimately and loves us with everlasting love (see Jeremiah 31:3).

Prayer

O forgiving and merciful God, I don’t always understand. In the unknowing, make your perfect presence and promise known. Amen.

By Kayla Craig, The Upper Room Disciplines 2023, page 228.